Today my friend lent me money so I can buy a We The Kings concert ticket. I still couldn’t believe I did that. I never want to borrow money from anyone. Add to the fact that it’s a large amount of money. I have to pay him once I get my first salary from my first job.

And yeah I need a job.

I need a job cos I need money. I need money cos.. concerts. Bands just keep coming here. Yep I prayed for that but I never prayed that they all come here EVERY FUCKIN MONTH. I mean hello, my wallet’s never filled. Whenever I put money in there, a band announces a show here, then.. yeah there goes my money.

Today I submitted my resume to three hotels. Hope I get it. I really want to work in Intercon.

I’m a desperate fangirl.

Okay so I have this feeling that my dad’s mad at me for coming home “late” last night.

I’m not scared of dying. I’m scared of growing old.

And becoming weak and useless.

My grandma has been living with us for 3 years now and I’ve seen how little by little, she has grown so weak, deaf and forgetful. I watch as she struggles to go out of our car. She pees on her bedsheet. We need to shout just so she can hear what we have to say. She asks the same questions every minute. She forgets where she puts her things and sometimes accuses our maid of stealing her wallet when she forgets where she places it.

Today I saw her peed wearing my underwear.

A part of me wants to take care of her. But I can’t help being… disgusted. And my eyes can’t bear the sight of a sick old woman.

My parents always wanted me to be a nurse. But I said “no” to that a hundred times. How can I be a nurse when the sight of blood weakens my knees? How can I be a nurse when I couldn’t even take care of my mom when she’s sick? How can I be a nurse when I can’t even help my grandma stand up from her bed?

There’s just something about sick people that makes me… I don’t know… I don’t know what’s the right word for it.

I just don’t want to take care of them. The only thing I can do is pray for them.

Now I wonder, if I get old, will someone take good care of me?

If I were an american guy who plays in a band as good as The Maine, with a large fanbase, and do concert tours in different countries, my life would have been 1000000000x better.

College sucks. Everything sucks.

Totally deleting you out of my life.

I’m tired of all the petty fights. I’m tired of hearing you saying sorry. I’m tired of playing the blame game.

You don’t own me. Don’t act like you’re my boyfriend or my parent.

I hate you. And I don’t want to be friends with you anymore. You are one pathetic, immature guy with no breeding and morals.

Life will be soooo much easier and happier without you.

BOW.